


Unleashed

by Trakn



Series: Tiger [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Ambiguous/Open Ending, BAMF Tony Stark, F/F, F/M, Female Tony Stark, Fix-It of Sorts, Gender or Sex Swap, Genderbending, Genderswap, M/M, Minor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Secret Identity, Slow Burn, Tony Stark-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:19:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21552913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trakn/pseuds/Trakn
Summary: Death seems to dog Toni's footsteps, but she's still willing to grit her teeth and find a way out of that bullshit called dying.*I suck at summaries so this is canon rewrite: Tony is a woman, Steve got unfrozen way earlier, and there's Secret Identity shenanigans*
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Tiger [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553125
Comments: 1
Kudos: 104





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of Chained (Which i just decided to change name from Chained Tiger to just Chained lmao so sorry) and starts off immediately after the other ends. I made the executive decision to complete Chained since that one is mostly world building and this is where Toni Stark is the baddest beyotch ever. You don't need to read the first one but it will help understand everyone better. Also, i have zero writing schedule so updates are gonna be sporadic.
> 
> Anyway, english is my second language. The US is unfamiliar so i'm just googling shit. And no beta so if you see any plot holes just pretend you never saw them (but if you inbox me them, i'd much appreciate <3)
> 
> Comments and kudos are the food and water for my muse so I love you all even more when you leave something. Anything. Even just a period.

The first thing I notice when I wake up is the low murmur of a man’s voice. I don’t recognize the language, but considering I failed French in high school, that’s not much.

What worries me is the immense pressure on my chest that prevents me from breathing deeply. I open my eyes and see darkness. Oh god, I’m blind. Fuck! Fuckfuckfuckfuck…

The gloom starts to clear a bit, the silhouette of a person lit by the glowing brightness of fire. The person has their back to me, so I take the moment to look around me. The darkness makes it difficult to see, but I make out the unmistakable shapes of machine guns.

My gut twists and I struggle to sit up.

“I would not do that if I were you.” A man’s voice, low and accented. “I barely managed to stitch you together in the first place.”

“What?”

The man steps closer to me, the wire rims of his glasses flashing. “If you move, you will disrupt the wires.”

A chill seeps through my bones. _Wires_?! Then I finally glance down at myself and swallow a scream.

A massive hole gapes on my chest, multicolored wires threaded through the hole and seemingly connected to a battered car battery sitting next to my stomach.

“What did you do to me?” My voice wavers but doesn’t crack. Small victories. “What happened?”

“I saved your life.” The man takes a seat next to me on a small wooden stool I hadn’t noticed. “My name is Yinsen. I was … chosen to perform surgery on you after shrapnel pierced your chest. I created an electro—”

“An electromagnetic field to prevent the shrapnel from reaching my heart.” I finish for him.

Sudden lights flood the room. I’d thought I was in a building of some sort but with the light, I finally realize that I’m in a cave.

A hysterical giggle works it way past my lips.

I’d been ambushed in Afghanistan, survived, and now had a massive hole in my chest that houses an electromagnetic field generator. And to top it all off, the operation was made in a fucking _cave_.

A sudden slam grabs my attention. In front of the shoddy metal grate that I’d pegged for a makeshift door stood another man flanked by several others. Faces covered and armed to the teeth, they sent shivers down my spine.

He barked out a couple of sentences to Yinsen, the only words I can recognize are my name, before gesturing to me.

“He wants to know if the amenities are agreeable to your tastes.” Yinsen murmurs to me without taking his eyes off the man. “If the great Toni Stark approves of the Ten Rings’ hospitality.”

“He can shove his amenities up his ass. What the hell does he want from me?” I spit out angrily.

A wince crosses Yinsen’s face before he hurriedly translates.

“You build Jericho missile.” The man says in heavily accented English before giving me a wide grin. He pats his gun and gestures at the others who also have machine guns cradled in their arms. “Stark Tech very good.”

Fury rips through me. Fucking Obie.

“Go to hell.”

* * *

The funny thing about torture is that even though they use the same methods frequently, you never get used to it. I’d been waterboarded so many times I’d lost count and every single fucking time I scream like a child, the sounds gurgling in the water, my nose burning with every drop of water inhaled. They’d broken my toes one by one, and each one made me scream and sob like nobody’s business. Whips and flogs beat me daily, with methodic precision to avoid breaking skin, and the pain never gets any easier.

At the end they ask me the same question, “Build Jericho missile?”

And my answer is the same every day, “Fuck off.”

I have no idea how many days pass, but I grow resigned. No hope lives in my heart. I know I’m going to die in this godforsaken cave surrounded by demanding terrorists.

But at least I won’t arm them.

The door slams open, the same goon as always standing in the doorway. He spews a barrage of words at Yinsen before reaching behind him to throw a terrified girl into the cave.

I lurch forward unconsciously, only Yinsen’s hand preventing me from doing something stupid.

“He says that if you do not build the Jericho missile, he will rape the girl in front of you.”

I look up in horror at the smiling goon. He grabs the girl roughly by the hair. Terror is written all over her face, tears already spilling silently on her face.

She can’t be more than ten years old.

The goon must see something in my face because he laughs and says something with a mocking tone.

“He says that if you do not build the missile, he will rape a different girl each night for a month and then they will all rape you.”

Yinsen’s face is stoic as always but I can see a muscle jumping under his eye as he translates.

“All right. I’ll build the stupid thing.” I grit out. “But they have to provide me with material.”

Yinsen translates. The goon laughs before throwing the girl down again. She whimpers but doesn’t move a muscle from the dirty floor.

“He will bring you all the material you require.”

I rattle off a list of materials, Yinsen translating quickly and tonelessly. But as soon as the man leaves, he turns to me.

“Those materials are not for building missiles.”

I tap my battery. “I have to get off this piece of junk first. Ask the girl her name.”

Yinsen speaks to the girl softly and she slowly sits up from the floor.

“She says her name is Nadira.”

“Okay Yinsen and Nadira, we’re going to get out of here.”

* * *

They give me the materials quickly, a mere two days after I make the request. When they deliver the materials, Nadira and Yinsen are held at gunpoint, to ensure my compliance.

I grit my teeth. As if my martial arts knowledge would help me in this stupid cave.

As soon as they leave, I grab a sheaf of paper and pencil. Once my reactor is in place, if I can manage to stabilize the tech, I have to design the biggest WMD of my life. Back when my designs were of the warmongering type, I’d toyed with the idea of armor for the soldiers. The board had disagreed with me, of course, so I’d just created a bunch of new missiles instead.

But maybe I can build something for myself.

Something big, powered by the reactor. Of course, that’s supposing the reactor can be miniaturized and remain stable enough without blowing me up when I build it.

Yinsen proves himself invaluable, helping me melt down the palladium to form the core and functioning as my hands when the tremors in mine became a dangerous nuisance. Not that I don’t have nerves of steel but months of torture atop of starvation and major chest surgery can do a number on anyone. Of course, switching from the battery to my arc reactor doesn’t grant me any favors either.

Unfortunately, as the days go on and no signs of a missile appear, my captors get antsy.

The day that things get even worse starts out as any other. I’d slept a total of three hours, making my already shaky hands even worse, so Nadira was holding the soldering iron as Yinsen sleepily translated my commands. When the door suddenly slams open it’s pure luck that prevents the girl from dropping the tool on her foot.

The goon, whom Yinsen says is named Khalil, looks at me angrily before shouting out commands to his lackeys. Two of them march into the room, one grabbing Nadira by the hair and drags her before Khalil while the other points their weapon at me. She screams, tears running down her face, but she quiets immediately when he places his weapon against her forehead.

I lurch forward, stopping only when I see Khalil’s guards pointing their own weapons at me.

“He says that he is getting impatient. He wants the missile within the next week or there will be consequences.” Yinsen is pale next to me.

“Tell him that even I can’t manage miracles in this cave.” I stare at Khalil in the eyes. When I get out, I’m going to make sure he never terrorizes another person.

He smiles at me. Then he pulls the trigger.

“No!” Uncaring now about the guards, I make my way next to Nadira’s corpse. Ignoring the burning in my eyes, I cradle her small head in my arms. “Tell him that he will receive the weapon in three days.”

Yinsen translates, his voice shaken.

Khalil says something in a derisive tone but walks out with most of his guard. Only two remain and they wrench the small girl’s body out of my arms. I let them take her, my hands falling limply beside me.

I swear, on Nadira’s memory, I will give them front row seats to the best weapon I have ever made.

“Come on Yinsen, we have to finish the soldering.” I ignore the tremors in my hand and pick up the iron. This has to end.

He says nothing but firmly takes the iron from me. “Tell me where.”

I dictate his movements, urgency in both my words and his actions. When Yinsen can do no more, I tell him to eat and sleep to recover some energy.

In the meantime, I start to cobble together the code necessary to arm my armor. Even though it’s going to be rudimentary, I have to have a system integrated, at least to avoid missing any shots. I know that this is going to be the only shot I have at survival. Vengeance of course is another deciding factor.

By the time Yinsen is awake, I have the code uploaded to the main hub I’d installed inside the back plate. In theory, once I have everything correct it will serve as the brain to my weapon. Instead of placing it in the face plate where it will overheat and obstruct my view, I can have it functioning as a spine instead.

Once my helper is awake, I set him to work and soon we have the main body ready.

“What will you do when you become free?” Yinsen’s voice is rough, understandable considering we’d spent at least 18 hours in complete silence.

I still my hand, taking the moment to answer him truthfully. “I don’t know.”

“Your legacy will always be war.” I turn to face him and he’s as solemn as ever. “You shut down your weapons division, but the world will never forget that the Stark weapons were the deadliest.”

I have no desire to return to my previous humanitarian work. Ballrooms and fundraising will no longer cut it. The work in poverty-stricken areas will always be a priority but I can’t waste away my time like I used to do. I have to do more.

“I don’t know.” I confess. “I guess I haven’t thought that far yet. What about you?”

Yinsen gives me a small smile. “I will finally be reunited with my family.”

“This is the first time I’ve heard about a family.” I halfheartedly tease Yinsen. “Who’s the lucky girl?”

“She was my childhood sweetheart.” He gets a faraway look in his eyes. “We married in secret, despite her parents’ wishes. We lived happily for twelve years: our three girls the biggest blessing in our lives. Once this is over, I will finally be with them again. In peace.”

I envy him. He looks completely sure that he’ll return to his girls. I wish I could be half as optimistic as he. But I will at the very least ensure that he gets back. It’s too late for Nadira but I will give everything for him to be able to make it back.

“I promise you’ll see them again.”

* * *

It takes another fourteen hours to finish my armor. I start up the program I’d written, initiating the code and stepping inside.

My toes are still mangled and hurt like fucking hell when I take steps, but I can work through it. As soon as everything is good to go, I aim at the door and blast it to high hell. Immediately, I hear a siren. I look at Yinsen through the gaps of my faceplate.

“See you on the other side.” He gives me a smile. Something seems off though, so I repeat our plan to him. “Remember, at the end you will find me using our homing beacon.”

“I remember the plan.”

Then I heard the thundering steps of the terrorists and hell let loose.

I kill so many as I make my way out of the cave, the sounds and splattering of blood almost making me lose my resolve. But I always remember Nadira and I kill many more with grim satisfaction.

When I’m finally at the mouth of the cave, I start to load my launchers but notice that the lag is greater than I’d calculated.

Fuck.

Suddenly Yinsen runs out in front of me, screaming and firing at the men who were starting to reload. He doesn’t last more than thirty seconds, but when he’s finally hit, he turns to look at me and smiles.

“My family is dead.”

And then he crumples, face slack with death.

Fury rages through me. Worse, I can’t do anything but flee like the coward I’ve been my entire life.

But I will regroup. I will survive. And I will come back and eliminate every single one of these worms until Ten Rings is nothing, but bones turned to dust.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The armor Toni made in the cave had been clunky, no finesse at all. But it’s understandable considering the circumstances while she created it. For the flaming pieces of shit that she'd produced thus far, there were no excuses.
> 
> or 
> 
> Toni gets back home, creates MARK I, while Steve is anguishing over his return to military life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! so i'm sorry for such a short update and for such crap content but honestly this chapter got rewritten like five times before i just gave up. :( i really wanted Steve and Toni to spend more time together, but it just wouldn't come together like i wanted.
> 
> Kudos and comments are welcome and desired and i plead for any sort of feedback at all :(

My original plan was to fly over the desert until I found a village. One large enough and have communications to the outside world. Unfortunately, that plan met a fiery demise when my propulsors on my boots burn out. I barely have time to mutter out a swear word when I plummet down into the sand.

I crash. Hard. For several seconds after the impact, I lay still, unable to fully process that I survived my escape attempt. Then I get up, aware that I have to leave behind my armor, the weapon that Yinsen had helped me build. I start my trek, grief still battering my heart. Fortunately, I’d escaped with my clothing: a long-sleeved shirt, white top and pants with boots. At least the surprisingly chill night won’t feel so bad. I walk for miles, letting stars guide my way until my aching legs buckle under me.

I’ll just lie down for a moment. Rest my eyes a bit.

The next thing I know I hear the thump of a helicopter, the sun blazing over my head. Scrambling to my feet, I take off my shirt and wave it above my head.

The chopper must spot me because it turns toward my direction and hovers over the sand. I shield my eyes the best I can and when I see the man who clambers out of the helicopter, I think that I died during my escape and am now in purgatory.

And then I’m in Steve’s arms, surrounded by his masculine scent. Finally, _finally,_ I can let go of the rage and grief inside me and I dissolve into tears.

He picks me up, mumbling something to a familiar voice behind him. I’m still lost in the tumultuous emotion inside me, still grieving Yinsen and Nadira. Two souls that deserved so much more than the death they received while helping me.

My cries hurt my chest, but I can’t stop. I can’t erase the pain that seems to cleave my heart in two. I can’t erase the guilt I feel for not being able to do more. Maybe if I’d been faster…

I clench my fists, press them against my chest in hopes of easing the pressure in me.

But my tears keep falling and despite Steve’s soft voice in my ear, I can’t—won’t deny myself this moment of weakness. I can be strong later, right now I just need someone to hold me while this pain runs its course.

* * *

When I finally regain awareness of my surroundings, I’m on a cot inside a dusty tent. The heat feels oppressive, but it reassures me that I’ve left the cold of that cave.

I sit up slowly, wincing as I feel bruised on every part of my body. My tongue feels dry and I look around for water but see nothing. I don’t think I can manage walking just yet. I feel my limbs shaking even when I’m sitting.

The tent flap opens and then Steve is there.

It’s ridiculous how safe I feel once he’s there, tension melting away from my shoulders. But then I pay attention to what he’s wearing.

He wears dark blue on black tactical gear with a white star emblazoned on his chest with twin red stripes on each side. “Since when do you dress like a soldier?” I say frowning. Beyond the outfit change, he holds himself different. Dangerously lethal. Combined with the thick beard and slightly unkempt longer hair he sports now, the soft, approachable Steve from PR might as well be someone else.

Steve sighs. “It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got time.” He looks at me, that same disarming look that he sent my way whenever he was about to confess something. Something tells me that this will be heavier than the time he stole my slice of cherry pie from my fridge though. “Go on.”

The flap opens again, this time for Rhodey. He stumbles into Steve, since the other still stood in the entry.

“What the—” Rhodey trails off when he sees that it’s Steve. Something looking scarily like awe flashing on his face before he looks at me. “Tones! You’re awake!”

I give him a wry grin before stretching my arms for a hug. “Hey Sour Patch, fancy seeing you here.”

He gives me a soft hug, like he was afraid I would break, before pulling back to sit next to me. “Next time, you should listen to advice. If I say going to Afghanistan is a bad idea, _listen_.”

I chuckle. “I love you too Rhodey Bear.” I gesture at Steve. “You know Steve I’m assuming?”

Rhodey’s posture snaps military straight before giving me a quick nod. “We should get going though. We have a flight to catch.” He shivers suddenly. “And Pepper is going to fucking kill me if we don’t make it back as quick as possible. I’m going to go see if the transport is ready.”

He stands, gives Steve a quick nod, then leaves.

“Are you going to tell me anything?”

Steve shuffles closer to my cot, still holding himself in that battle-ready position that belies his calm façade. “It’s classified.”

Right, haven’t heard that one before.

“Listen Steve, if you don’t want to tell me the truth, that’s fine.” I look at him in the eye. “Just don’t try to lie to my face.”

Besides, it’s not like I’m about to become classified myself. The arc reactor itself won’t make waves but my suit…

It will make a fucking tsunami.

Steve can keep his classified secrets that makes him go all lone wolf on me. It’s fine.

We stare at each other, the air between us thick with tension that had never existed before my damned kidnapping.

Rhodey pokes his head inside. “Tones, we’re ready to go. Can you walk?”

Fuck no. “Yeah.” I grit my teeth and swing my legs over the side of my cot. The tremors in my arms increase but I’ll be damned if Steve carries me again. That ship has obviously sailed.

Rhodey snorts, already striding inside the tent to carry me.

But Steve, impossibly, makes it faster than him and stretches a hand at me. “Let me help, Toni.” I look at him, unwilling to back down. Not now that I feel like a wounded animal, cornered against her will. “Just this once.”

Surprisingly, Rhodey doesn’t try to muscle his way past Steve. Instead he chose to fall back and hold the tent flap as I stand up shakily.

“You’re not carrying me.” I say, my voice steadier than my legs. “I’ll lean on you.”

Steve doesn’t reply. He just places his hand on my waist and lets me hold onto him as I make my way outside.

Thankfully, the dusty Humvee is close to my tent and I don’t have to spend more than five minutes feeling Steve’s warm hand burning through my flimsy tank top. But then he climbs into the vehicle after me, squishing me between him and Rhodey.

“So… is this the funvee?” I say sarcastically, just because I can.

Unsurprisingly, Steve doesn’t get on the jet with me and Rhodey. The two men share a long look before Steve gives me a soft smile and walks back to the Humvee without a word to me.

Not that it bothers me or anything.

I pass out mid-flight, waking up as the jet starts to land. This time I feel much steadier and I only lean on Rhodey just a bit as I make my way off. Of course, my precious Pepper is at the tarmac and as soon as I clear the stairs, she launches herself at me.

“Pep!” I grunt.

“You disappeared on me Toni, suck it up.” She sniffles.

I give a weak chuckle. “Those tears for your dear old boss?” She laughs wetly before pulling away.

“You know I hate job hunting.” She wipes at her eyes. “Come on, we have to get you to a hospital so they can look you over again.”

“Pepper,” I whine. “After months of physical and psychological torture, all a woman wants is a cheeseburger and some peace.”

Her eyes widen at the mention of torture, but she doesn’t mention it at all. “Toni, no, you’re going to a hospital.” She turns to Happy. “Tell her Happy.”

Happy gives me the stink eye. “You heard her boss. Cheeseburger then hospital.”

I whoop with joy. “Ha Pep! Can’t argue with the boss girl.”

She grimaces and starts to argue with Happy, while tugging me towards the car. I let myself be led, enjoying fondly the snark between my friends. Eventually even Rhodey joins in, and I allow myself to relax.

It isn’t until hours later, after I’ve ate my burger and appeased Pepper with a check-up, that I realize that despite returning home, nothing feels the same without Steve.

Before my kidnapping, we’d been friends for well over two years. Barring Pepper and Rhodey, he became the person I interacted most. And they, being busy adults themselves, never had the same amount of time to just shoot the shit quite like Steve. I love Pepper and Rhodey, but sometimes all I wanted was to get Steve and go gallivanting around New York.

And now, now he’s off in Afghanistan, if he’s still there at all, doing God knows what. A flash of Steve in his tactical gear pops in my mind and I start thinking of all the ways Kevlar can be pierced. Heart suddenly racing, I get out of bed and rush to the elevator.

“Sir, I must advise you to return to your—”

“I have to do this J.” I grit out. But the elevator doors remain closed. “Jarvis! Take me to the damn lab.”

“Sir, Ms. Potts instructed me to—”

“Jarvis, I’m fine.” I slam my hands against the elevator doors. “Take me to the fucking lab now!”

“As you wish, Sir.”

The doors slide back smoothly, and I get in.

Time to get to work.

* * *

The armor I’d made in the cave had been clunky, no finesse at all. But it’s understandable considering my circumstances while I created it.

For the flaming pieces of shit that I’d produced thus far, I had no excuses.

The first armor I made in my lab didn’t take to my arc reactor, pulling so much energy that after five minutes I had to replace the core. The second version went up in flames after I tried to launch the boot propulsors. Dum-E, of course, came to my belated rescue with a cannister full of extinguisher foam only after I’d managed to put out all the fires.

That warranted a very stern lecture on the importance of timing to both Dum-E and Butterfingers (just in case).

The third and fourth versions both failed to stay together, somehow coming apart every time I took a step. That mistake pissed me off because the first two did not have that problem. Thankfully the fifth version stayed together and did not spontaneously combust when I initiated the hover command. Of course, that one suddenly lost power to one boot and I flew around my garage wildly before I finally managed to land. On my recently purchased Aston Martin Vanquish. Needless to say, it crumpled like a tin can under the weight of my armor.

I grit my teeth and powered on.

By the time I finish the fortieth armor, I want to scream. Fortunately, that seems to be the one that takes.

“Jarvis,” I say gleefully after finally completing my tests successfully. “Jot this down. Maneuverability And Reconnaissance Kit, aka MARK I is a success.”

“Congratulations Sir.” Jarvis’s voice is still subdued. “Can you please sleep now?”

“Sleep?” I laugh. As if. “I’m about to take this baby for a test drive.”

Whatever Jarvis says is muffled as I put my faceplate on. Then as the HUD comes to life, his voice is suddenly chiding me at my ear. “I may need to remind you to be careful Sir.” My repulsors whine as they come to life and I whizz my way out of my garage. The night is clear, only a couple of cars still roaming the streets.

“Don’t worry Jarvis, I’ll take it easy.” I laugh and jet into the sky. The lights of the city become a blur below me, the speed on the HUD slowly increasing until I’m skirting 200 miles per hour.

I love the absolute freedom.

Then as I spot the moon, I get the craziest idea.

“J, send eighty percent of energy to the boots.” I straighten out and feel the push of my repulsors as I get closer and closer to the moon.

So elated by the possibilities I don’t notice the ice until it cracks the glass of my faceplate and by then, it’s too late. The whine of my repulsors sputter before extinguishing completely.

And then I’m in a metal coffin thousands of miles in the sky.

I flail in the air, screaming for Jarvis, seeing the ocean below me hurtling towards me so impossibly fast. My suit comes alive at the very last moment, the tips of my hands skimming the water before I jet up into the sky again.

“Sir, it appears we may have hit another snag in the armor.” Jarvis says softly as I let him lead the suit back home.

“Yeah,” I say. “A snag.”

* * *

Steve had left the military and never looked back once. He’d received summons and letters cajoling his returns every month. He’d always sent back the same reply: no, thank you. After Bucky received his arm and signed up with SHIELD as a Special Ops agent, he’d gotten double teamed by him and Nat as they tried to persuade him to leave his ‘boring desk job’ as they called it.

Apparently, his love for his mundane job is too crazy to understand for two super-secret agents.

They couldn’t understand that after fifteen years as Captain America in this modern future that might as well be a different planet, he was done with fighting. He’d thought Bucky would understand that he wanted nothing to do with violence after he’d almost died by American weapons. Instead, his best friend ran back to the same lifestyle as soon as he got the arm. Steve can’t say he agrees the reasoning behind Bucky’s decision, but he understands that after doing so much shit on Hydra’s orders, any sort of amends would feel like balm on his soul.

Not that that meant that Steve would do the same. He’d woken up, disoriented and confused since he’d just crashed a plane in the artic, and told that he was in 2002. Fifty years in the future. The only reason he fought for the military as Captain America again was because he’d had nobody else to turn to. He had no living family and he’d thought that Bucky had died fifty years before.

Of course, the military had no compunctions keeping mum on the fact that they’d found Bucky and rehabilitated him two years before they’d found Steve in the ice. And just when he’d finally reunited with his brother in all but name, they treat Bucky like trash as soon as he outlives his usefulness. After Bucky’s arm had gotten blown off in Afghanistan, Steve had sworn Captain America was dead. Steve had lost Bucky once years ago and then through the stupidity of the bureaucracy of the country he’d protected, he was losing Bucky to the depression caused by the loss of his arm.

So yeah, Steve gave the military the politest fuck you every single time they contacted him.

But then Toni got abducted while he was supposed to protect her. And at first, with Rhodey’s clout as Coronel and the media clamoring for her rescue, the government had sent the military to look for her. But as weeks turned to months and nothing came up, they finally called off the search.

And so Steve went to Shield, willing to trade Captain America for Toni Stark. The director, Fury, had looked him in the eye and enlisted him on the spot. Shield had been surprisingly lenient on him, allowing him to spearhead the rescue group for Toni until he got her back. He’d thought that it had been worth it the moment he saw Toni’s frail figure in the sand.

She survived and was on her way home.

So what if that meant that he had to give up his Fridays with her? So what if he had to stop seeing her every morning for coffee? So what if he could no longer work at her side to help build houses for the poor?

So what if he had to give up the reason he was the happy?

Toni Stark was worth every sacrifice.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni discovering herself as Iron Man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI guys! I'm back! To be honest, i hit a major writer's block these past couple of weeks and i had to rewrite most of what i had written already. I saw that it was getting too Stony heavy and I wasn't ready to let go of Toni's arc quite yet.   
> I hope you guys like it.  
> Also the summary kind of sucks so if anybody has anything don't hesitate to leave it in the comments or send me a pm.

After making the repairs to my suit and applying the badass paint job to it, I finally collapse on my bed. I’m out like a light immediately.

Then I’m awake, heart thudding, gasping for breath as I vividly remember the water burning in my nostrils.

Fuck sleep.

Shower is out, for obvious reasons, so I choose to search through internet mentions of the Ten Rings. Hours pass and then I finally hit the jackpot.

_Hundreds dead as the Ten Rings take another village._

Those bastards.

“J, power up the suit.”

“Sir, you have not slept sufficiently since—”

“I know!” I snap. “I can’t sleep Jarvis, so I’m about to do something worthwhile.”

The suit stands to attention in the middle of my lab and I quickly get inside. The lights of my HUD flickering on immediately when I’m ensconced. “J, set a course for the last sighting of the Ten Rings.”

“As you wish Sir.” The image of a small village flashes on the HUD. “Last confirmed sighting is 10 hours ago.”

“Let’s go.” I grit my teeth. Let’s see about righting some wrongs. It seems that I’m just in time because the moment I arrive in the village, there are several men with rifles shouting while pointing their weapons at women and children on the ground. I smile humorlessly. “J, put the translator on.”

They scream at me to get down on the floor before I can speak to them. Since I don’t reply they open fire. I aim my repulsors at the men, ignoring the pings of the bullets against my armor. “Hey assholes, I just want to talk.” They ignore me, so I fire. The screams they make as the heat of my repulsors burn their skin makes me grin.

“Where is Khalil?” I ask at one who drops their weapon and gets to their knees.

“I do not know where Khalil is, he is in hiding since we were attacked by a machine.” He ducks his head, so I can’t judge if he’s being truthful or not.

“Sir, there is a missile locked on you from behind.” Jarvis interrupts my interrogation.

“Fire a missile right back.”

Those who were still stubbornly firing at me drop their weapons as the explosion rocks the ground.

“Leave, now.” They all scramble to get into their shabby trucks.

As the cowards flee, the villagers slowly look at each other before dispersing. No one so much as looked at me. And then I felt a tug on one of my metallic fingers.

My heart clenches at the sight of a round, tear-streaked face looking at me with stars in his eyes. He babbles something and then runs away to his shrieking mother before I can reply.

“J…”

“He said thank you, Sir.”

I nod at the boy and his mother before taking to the sky. I know I’m crying; I just can’t show that to them.

Starks have always been made of iron.

Returning to my garage, I make sure to carefully enter through the car entrance. The last thing I need is to draw attention to myself. I throw myself into the suit, upgrading the repulsors, the alloys, everything. Hours pass by and when I least expect it, I pass out.

When the nightmares return, I wake up, a strangled scream stuck in my throat, tears prickling in my eyes. For a moment, I’m reminded of Steve, my faithful best friend who’d helped me through many a panic attack.

The wetness on my cheeks startles me. How mushy of me.

I let out a small chuckle, as if I hadn’t known that Steve would leave at the first chance he got.

Granted, I never thought that it would for the military but…

“Sir, Ms. Potts has been trying to locate you for the past hour.” Thank God for Jarvis.

I sit up, wincing as I hear the loud protests of my bones from being slumped over my table. “Patch her through J.” My suit is standing to attention, glowing a soft blue from the reactor that I’d plugged it into.

“Toni, you have a meeting with the head of the finance department in five minutes.” I hum softly, as I open the visor of my helmet. What if I don’t have time to set up my suit? “Toni? Are you even listening to me?”

“Of course, Pepper dearest, when have I ever not listened to you?” I get an abrupt brainwave and I turn towards my table again.

“You have to be ready and in the conference room in less than five minutes Toni, I’m not kidding.” I grunt in affirmation. Five minutes? Psh, I can be there in three. “Toni, I swear if you’re not in there when I get there, so help me I will put in my two weeks’ notice.”

Whoa, talk about a curveball. “Wait, wait, what’s wrong Pep?” I frown, finally putting all my concentration on the call.

“We have a recall by the FDA due to one of the medical products malfunctioning in clinics and it hit our stocks pretty badly.” Pepper sounds genuinely stressed, which considering she’s kept her cool under other pretty shitty situations makes me worry as well. “Your CFO and Director of Finance of your South Asian plant are ready to talk numbers to avoid laying off employees.”

“Okay, I’ll be there.” I stand up and run my hands through my hair, wincing when my fingers get caught in snags. “Do I have to dress up for this? I’m still in my lab.”

Pepper sighs, the sound coming across staticky. “No Toni, your CFO doesn’t care about your image. Remember you hired her specifically because of this point?” Still leaves the… “And Director James is less than orthodox himself.”

“Right, right.” I shrug, leaving my hair be. In any case, I’d just gotten back from a kidnapping, both can go fuck right off if they have any issues with how I look. “I’m getting in the elevator as I speak.”

/-/-/-/

Hours later, when I finally take the worst fucking shower of my life, which coincidentally ended with me in a panic attack, I finally realize the truth. I’ve lost a part of my life, lost a piece of myself, and even more hurtful, I’ve lost Steve to whatever the fuck happened with the military.

* * *

The days tick by, my chief officers and directors all give me various shakedowns that always make me feel like absolute shit, like it’s somehow my fault that I got kidnapped. Thousands of people have their livelihood at stake thanks to the Ten Rings. Apparently, me being around being a pain in the ass is just enough to keep our shares steady.

So I make appearances, reassure the public that I’m still alive and kicking, and slowly the stock goes back up until I can finally breathe easy. My paycheck had taken a severe cut, but I hadn’t been forced to fire anyone. Days turn into weeks, and those slowly bleed into months.

I create and release a new version of my now famous Stark Phone and the sales push us clear out of the red. Thankfully, that means less meetings and I can finally focus on finding out who the hell leaked my location to the Ten Rings in the first place.

It takes up a lot of my time, my moments spent in my lab reduced to mere hours each day. I jet around the world in my suit, allowing myself a grim smile each time the news covers ‘Iron Man’s’ newest heroic shenanigans.

Everyone is convinced that the man behind the machine is a technical genius, some believe that he’s a vigilante while others are of the belief that he is a savior of sorts. Nobody ever connects me to the superhero persona. Of course, it helps that everyone is convinced that the person in the suit is male. Honestly, I’ve never been happier that I’m a sucker for androgyny. If I’d welded a pair of boobs to my suit, it would have been easier to pin the identity to me. 

At first, I’d thought that the world needed to know who pilots the suit, who actually risks their neck when confronting the terrorists. But then I think about Pepper, who I’ve managed to halfway convince to set her up as CEO; Happy, my stubborn bodyguard who would rather die than allow me to be hurt; and Rhodey, my bestie who spends his time in dangerous places and has his own enemies. The impulse fades after that.

While gallivanting around the Middle East, I put my faithful J on the hunt for data in my own company. He helps me a lot, his reach inside my systems coming across various digital trails. Unfortunately, these are dead ends with shell companies but zero identity to who made the connections in the first place. These are obvious tie ins to who sold me out but without any concrete answers.

And then the news breaks. Someone else pilots a suit like mine.

* * *

_“We are standing here covering the absolute devastation—”_

_“A man in a metal suit, wonder where we’ve seen—”_

_“—saying, Iron Man is a menace and this—”_

I fly as fast as I can to New York, having received the news while still in Japan for scouting of a new plant. Thankfully, I’d brought my suit in a suitcase and while the other directors were standing around the news, I duck into an empty conference room to suit up.

Jarvis’s voice breaks through my reverie. “Sir, I detect a rudimentary arc reactor very similar to yours within the suit.”

“Yeah,” I say, getting an eyeful of the blue glow inside the hulking behemoth below, “So do I.”

The suit has none of the sleek elegance of mine, instead going for bulk and heavy artillery. A high caliber automatic rifle perches on one of the bulky shoulders while the other has a bazooka launcher. The first thought that crosses my mind is that the person inside must have insane gains.

Jesus and I thought _my_ suit is heavy.

And then twin tendrils slither out from the suit’s arms and crackle to life with a familiar blue glow.

“You have got to be fucking with me.”

“Sir, the energy readings from the new appendages are similar to the reactor.”

I grunt, this changes everything. “Thanks J.”

“Come on Iron Man, I do not have all day.” A heavy accented male voice booms out from the suit. “I heard you have been looking for me.”

“J, what are the odds that those whips will short out my suit?” I say as I hover closer to the other suit. A whip crackling with the high energy of the reactor flies perilously close to my face and I jerk out of the way at the last moment. “J? Kind of a time crunch.”

“According to my figures, this version will sustain significant damage but can overpower the other suit.”

“Great.” Then I dive down. “J, get the modulator on.” I tap the side of my helmet. “Hey, asshole, copyright is a thing.”

“Funny, my father said the same thing to yours.” A whip cracks next to one of my ears, wrapping around my neck. “You will die in his place.”

The HUD flickers but holds. “Sir, we can siphon energy from the appendages, it will take fifteen minutes.”

“Go for it J.” I grunt out, scratching at the whip at my throat. The man laughs at me, sneering before whipping the other at my torso.

“Not so great now Iron Man?”

I let go of the whip, choosing to blast my repulsors at his face. In his surprise, he lets go of me, and I take advantage to grab hold of the whips.

“J, fire a flare into his mask!” I need to see the face of the perpetrator. “NOW!”

The flare flies through the crevices of his helmet, an oversight that I’d corrected with the Mark IV. The helmet immediately opens to let the smoke out. I don’t recognize the heavily tattooed and scarred face gasping for breath, but my father had made several enemies that I never knew about while working for Shield.

I fire off another two shots at his heavy weapons on his shoulders, knocking them clean off while he is still hacking his lungs out.

“One minute to complete energy transfer.”

“What’s the holdup J?” I ask, gritting my teeth as the man finally begins to get his bearings again. This is about to turn ugly.

“The suit cannot receive so much energy in a sustainable way.”

I laugh. “Fire the chest piece at 50 percent power.” The blinding surge of energy hits the man square in the chest, overloading the suit, and he slumps to the ground, whips flickering off as the suit shuts off. “Damn, J remind me to always question your plans.”

The man starts to laugh even as I start to dismantle his suit to get him handcuffed. “I have made the god bleed. That is enough for me.”

“Thanks for comparing me to a god, my dude.” I say before handcuffing him to a lamppost. Titanium reinforced handcuffs that tighten automatically, there’s no way he’s getting out unless he chops off his arms. “Have a great day in jail.”

“Stark, have you heard of palladium poisoning? What a way to die.” Then he throws back his head in manic laughter. I stumble backwards a step. How did he know?

“J, any information on this guy?”

“Ivan Vanko, son of exiled scientist Joseph Vanko. He worked with your father with preliminary arc reactor technology but was deported to Russia after he was convicted of spying for the KGB.”

I step toward Vanko, lowering myself to one knee so I can be at eyelevel with him. “All I see before me is the son of a disgrace.” He spits at my helmet, but I just chuckle. “I can hit all the right buttons too _Ivan_.”

Then I straighten and jet into the air.

“J put together a file on him. I want to know everything.” Then I remember his words about palladium poisoning. “And scan me for palladium poisoning.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avengers Initiative reaches Toni

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AYEEE I'm on a roll. I finally hit a breakthrough and I have several chapters ready. I might just post several chapters today and tomorrow so heads up!

** Blood Toxicity Level 5% **

After Jarvis finished the scans, and I finally stopped freaking out, an eerie sort of calm settles inside me. This is it. This is the reason why I survived that damned kidnap attempt.

I have to right my wrongs, correct my legacy and die.

“Toni?” Pepper’s sudden voice takes me by surprise and the bracers on my wrist activate into gauntlets. “Whoa, what the hell Toni?”

I grimace. “Hey Pep, I’m kinda jumpy these days.” I click my fingers together and the gauntlets dissemble into the bracers again. “Heard some idiot billionaire got kidnapped in Afghanistan.”

My joke falls flat and Pepper gets her ‘concerned’ face on. It’s a kissing cousin to her ‘I’m going to make you do something for your own good’ face.

“Toni… I know that things have been difficult after your return,” she pauses, settling her body next to me at my desk. I sigh and slump on the cool surface, we’ll be here a while. “I’ve also noticed you haven’t been going to your therapy sessions I set up for you.”

I look up at her from my position on the desk. From here, her face is haloed by the lights of my lab, her fiery hair a perfect corona around the sharp beauty of her features. God, had I been so wrapped up in everything (nee Steve) that I never noticed her beauty?

“Go out to dinner with me.” I interrupt her. Her eyes widen and a slight blush covers the freckles on her nose and cheeks. “I know that you’ve always had a policy for not going out with your employers, but I also know you’ve already read the proposal I had legal send you.”

She straightens out from her casual position next to my desk. “Toni, I won’t accept the position if your requirement is for me to sleep with you.” Her tone is so sharp I wince. “And for that matter, I’ll take it up with HR. This is sexual harass—”

“Pepper I’m dying.” The confession takes us both by surprise. I blink at her several times before I can regroup. “I’ve never told you how I survived Afghanistan.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.” I get out of my seat and take the hem of my sweatshirt in my hands. “My chest was shredded by burrowing shrapnel, one of the beautiful weapons I crafted years ago. The shrapnel is impossible to take out of my chest without going into cardiac arrest.” I take my sweatshirt off, leaving me only in my black tank top. My arc reactor glows a healthy blue, no sign of the poison running through my veins. “This thing,” I tap the metal of the reactor. “is keeping me alive. It’s a magnet, of sorts. The core is made of palladium and its slowly poisoning me.”

Pepper gasps, faltering before shakily taking the seat I’d vacated. “Is that why—”

I nod. “You’re brilliant Pep. You’ll do so much better as CEO than as a glorified babysitter for an eccentric billionaire like myself.” I hug my midsection. “And I asked you out because I don’t want to leave things up to chance anymore.”

She gives a small smile. “Steve?”

“Yeah,” I laugh, the sound bitter even to my own ears. “I was always too chicken to actually do anything about it with him and now he’s lost to the military.”

“You know, Rhodey did say that he was surprised you never made the connection.” Pepper says, offhandedly. “He said that since you grew up with Captain America as your idol, it was surprising you never recognized him.”

I stare at her, speechless. WHAT?

“You didn’t know?” Pepper frowns. “I thought that was what you meant.”

“Steve is Captain America?” I ask her, still unable to process more information than this shocking revelation. “Since when?”

“um, I think since always?” Pepper shrugs before standing up. “Rhodey knows more than I do. Do you want me to get in contact with him for you?” I shake my head, still in shock. “I have to go Toni. I’m leaving for Malaysia today for a meeting with the plant directors over there.”

“What? Why?” I trail after her as she leaves my lab, each step punctuated by the click of her heels. “So that’s a no on our dinner date?”

She comes to a halt by the door of my lab, seeming to debate something before turning back to me. “I’m not poly, Toni. I can’t start a relationship with someone knowing that they are still too in love with Steve Rogers.”

I sigh, then I give her a small smile. Her blue eyes bear into mine, clear and guileless as always. If only I wasn’t such an idiot to love those who are outside my reach. “That’s fair Pep.”

She gives me a quick kiss on my cheek, her own cheeks a bright red as she faces me in faux seriousness. “I want you on your best behavior while I’m gone.”

Maybe there’s hope for me yet. “Yes mom.” She shakes her head at me and leaves.

I stay there by the door until the elevator doors close and she’s gone. Loving Pepper has always been an easy thing. She’d wormed herself into my heart from the moment she’d stood her ground against me. I’d always been difficult to manage, and frankly, she had been a godsend from the moment she was hired. Before her, my office and work life had been pure chaos.

But her efficiency isn’t the only thing that made me love her. She was the first one to notice that I tended to spiral into manic engineering binges and horrible depressive slumps and pushed me to go to therapy. She became the first girl who also became my friend, never becoming judgmental over my choice of partners.

I’d just never noticed her as anything more until today.

Maybe it’s because I’m finally, horribly aware of the impermanence of life.

I sigh. “J, run simulations on all other known elements. We have to find something.”

“On it, Sir.”

I have to find a solution. I can’t die like this. As I stalk through my lab, error messages appear on my holoscreens. By the time Jarvis reaches the last element, I’ve slumped on my seat again, eyes closed as I wait the inevitable.

“Sir, no known elements will sustain the reactor like the palladium core.”

I know.

For several moments, I stay where I am, face pressed to the cool glass of my lab table, despairing in silence. Then an idea comes to me.

“J, get Fury on the phone.” Maybe the known elements can’t help me but I know Shield is hiding more than just aliens from public knowledge.

“Stark?”

I face the holoscreen. “Hey Eyepatch, miss me?” He scowls at me and I backtrack quickly before he hangs up on me. “Listen, I know you guys have heard about Iron Man.”

“He might have crossed our radar.” Fury is not giving an inch as always and I sigh.

“I’m Iron Man.”

Fury leans away from the camera, allowing me to see him as he crosses his arms. “Okay, and what will that knowledge cost me?”

“What? You’re just gonna accept it like that?” I raise an eyebrow at him. “No twenty questions, evidence?”

He points a finger at me. “Iron Man’s armor is distinctive. I think nobody would see the glowing circle in your chest and doubt that you are Iron Man. Now get to the point Stark, I have an international incident on my hands that I have to resolve.”

I cough. Fuck I’d forgotten that I’d been in a revealing tank top after talking to Pepper. And oh God, he’s right. Pepper is going to come to that sobering realization any time soon. “Okay, okay you got me. Look, what I need is help.”

“Toni Stark, looking for help from the government?” Fury barks out a laugh. “Now I’ve seen it all.”

“I’m fucking dying Fury. I have no other choice than to trust you with the knowledge of my alter ego because I’m going to be dead in less than a fucking year.” I cough away the knot in my throat. “I need to find a sustainable core for my arc reactor. The one I have is palladium and it’s poisoning me.”

“I don’t have to help you.” Fury muses, one hand on his chin and I’m about to fucking lose it when he gives me a secretive smile. “But it just so happens that I have something called the Avengers Initiative.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Steve loses his Bucky. Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make up for the short chapter i uploaded earlier, here is what Steve has been up to.

Steve had always been a sucker for brown eyes. Peggy Carter had the most gorgeous chocolate brown eyes filled with a sharp intelligence that he’d barely been able to keep up with her even on the best of his days. And the Peggy that had been his wife, well she’d been gorgeous beyond words, her own eyes a rich mahogany.

And Toni, he held a slight reverence to her. She’s brilliant, funny, thoughtful and beautiful beyond belief.

Yeah, Steve had the best taste in women. It’s too bad he always screws it up.

A sudden knock outside his bunk brings his wandering thoughts back to earth.

“Who is it?”

“Nat.” the word is curt, no sign of the sarcastic humor she usually employs. He gets out of bed, warily opening the door.

Her face is pale and drawn, blood speckling her left temple. Her hair is falling out of the tight braid she usually wears and it’s this last fact alone that clues him in to the seriousness of her news. Black Widow only begins to crumble when shit hits the fan big time.

“James is gone.” Can a super soldier have a heart attack? The tightness in his chest makes him believe that yes, a super soldier _can_ have a heart attack thank you very much. “Steve!”

She barrels past him, then inside she gives him a slap. “Get yourself together. James isn’t dead. He’s just not …. right.”

“Not right?” Even to his own ears, his voice is shrill. “What the hell Natasha?”

“Steve, you have to calm down.”

“Fuck calm!”

“Steve!” She grabs his chin in her hands and forces him to look at her. “We went undercover in Russia. Fury thought that there was a sleeper Hydra cell there. Turns out it was an ambush; some idiots knew that we would be the ones sent and triggered Bucky’s words.” She growls out something in Russian. “He got activated. I couldn’t kill them all in time.” The tone of her voice leaves no doubt that they were dead now. “He went after me and I only managed to stop him by hitting him in the head with a metal pipe.”

“So where is he?” Steve feels frantic. He already lost Toni to this damned future, if he loses Bucky too… “Where is he Natasha?”

“While I was calling for reinforcements, he got me from behind.” She lets go of Steve’s face and turns away. “I got distracted by my worry and didn’t foresee that he would recover that quickly. By the time I come to, I’m trussed up like a fucking turkey and he’s talking to me like he’s never known me before. Then he left.”

Oh God.

“Please tell me you know where he is.” She turns back to Steve and he sees the answer to his question in the way her nostrils are flaring and the corner of her mouth trembles. He stumbles back to his bunk. “Does Fury know? And God, what about Sam?”

“I just got back from debrief.” Nat raises a hand to her shoulder. “I told him we would be the ones to tell Sam. But Steve, there’s more.” She holds out a small piece of black plastic in her hand, a small green dot flickering in the middle. He looks at her confused, so she leans up to whisper in his ear. “This is a sweeper. It’s Stark Tech, the very best. It searches for hidden bugs and wires. If it ever turns red, then someone is listening in.”

“What—” She shushes him and passes the sweeper over his bed. The light turns red.

“Come on, we have to go. This can’t wait.” She pulls him out of his room.

“Where—”

“We’re going to Sam’s. Clint will meet us there.”

They pass several agents in the hallway, all of them giving them a respectful nod. Steve feels like he’s stumbling behind Natasha, her strides purposeful while he still feels like he’s swimming through the thick molasses of denial. They reach his bike outside and she wordlessly gestures at him to get on. He knows the way to Sam and Bucky’s townhome by heart, so it doesn’t surprise him that the trek between Shield HQ and their home passes by in a blur.

When they arrive at Sam’s home, Clint is outside decked in his gear. Steve is suddenly very aware that Nat is still in her Black Widow tact suit and he is wearing sweatpants and a faded Dodgers t-shirt. Figures that the moment shit hits the fan, he’s the one not in his suit.

“What’s going on?” He asks Nat as she gets off. Her responding glare makes it clear she’s not ready to talk to him yet. He looks at Clint in hopes of getting some answers, but his face is just as blocked off.

Steve settles for following the wonder twins into the house, neither of them stopping to knock on the door.

“Sam?” Natasha calls out. 

“In the kitchen.”

Natasha looks at both men with a telling glance. Apparently, she’s the one in charge of this business. Steve glances at Clint again, but the other man merely shrugs and continues fiddling with his bow.

“Hey Sam,” Natasha greets the other man with a brief hug, her lips barely brushing his ears, but by the time they separate Sam looks exactly like Steve feels. Natasha lets him stew for several moments as she starts scanning the small kitchen with the sweeper. After checking every corner and receiving only green lights, she finally sits down in one of the chairs.

“Shield has been infiltrated by Hydra.”

“What?” Steve had been expecting several things, but this had not been one of them. “Shield is not Hydra!”

“Think for a moment Cap, how else would Hydra know that Bucky was going to be in that specific mission?” Clint says.

“How?” The organization was Peggy’s baby. Her work as founding member had helped it become the strong organization it is today. It can’t be Hydra. Can it?

“How can we get Bucky back?” Sam interrupts, his normally serene demeanor drawn and pinched. “I can’t stay here waiting for news. I have to do something!” Suddenly Steve is reminded that despite living quite complacently a civilian life, Sam had been for years the Falcon. The vein throbbing in Sam’s neck belies the somewhat calm façade. “I don’t give a fuck if Hydra is in Shield or not, I care about my damn husband being AWOL!”

Natasha places a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “He has amnesia Sam. When he spoke to me, he had no idea who I was.” Steve sees Sam’s face fill with resolve and knows that if there is no news beyond a month, the man won’t hesitate to take up the mantle of Falcon again. “I spoke to Fury about this and he agreed that for the moment the information will be kept between us only. Clint and I have been assigned to try to bring him back but …” She looks at both Sam and Steve. “Even if he comes back, we have no idea on how to get his memory back.”

Steve gets up and leaves. Fuck this stupid future.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni is still grappling with her impeding death. Oh, and Fury needs her help to find a MIA Winter Soldier.

Blood Toxicity Level 17%

I look at the tester in my hand and swear. Point one percent higher than two days ago. Time is ticking.

“J, call Pepper and Rhodey.”

“Connecting the call right now Sir.”

I splash water on my face for several moments, trying to recover my composure before I speak to both.

“Sir, they are both on standby. Would you like to connect to call here or in your phone?”

I snort, yeah let’s have this groundbreaking conversation where I confess to my gold titanium alloy shenanigans in my bathroom.

“Phone, J.”

As I pull out my phone from my pocket, Pepper and Rhodey are already looking concerned. Boy, and that’s before they get the news. I walk out of my bathroom and head out to my room, choosing to sit in a chair by the window before I speak.

Surprisingly both wait for me to get my thoughts in order.

“So,” I begin to say. God this is harder than I thought. “I know you guys both know about the arc reactor and the whole Afghanistan story.” They both nod slowly. “And I know you’ve seen the news about Iron Man.”

Pepper gasps, her quick mind connecting the dots faster than Rhodey. “No Toni, please…”

I ignore the look on her face and nod. “I’m Iron Man.” Rhodey doesn’t say anything, his face a careful clean slate. “Say something Rhodey bear.”

He shakes his head and sighs. “I had an idea after I saw the glowing circle on the chest of the Iron Man suit. It wouldn’t surprise me.” The corners of his mouth turn up in a small smile. “What does surprise me is that you would actually keep this information quiet. That you would keep your identity a secret.”

Pepper gives a small wet chuckle, wiping away her tears with the backs of her hands. “I never thought that you would keep something like this from us either.”

“I know you guys think that I’m a slut for attention.” I say dejectedly. “But I actually thought about the risks. I thought about both—”

“Toni,” Pepper interrupts softly. “We know. We were just joking. It’s just… you just came back to us and now you’re out there risking your life for god knows what reason.”

“I don’t think we need to know the reason for why you’re doing this Toni,” Rhodey says slowly, face very serious. “But you should be careful. Last week we were close to firing a missile when you accidentally flew too close to our base.”

I know, that’s why I finally decided to come clean. Vanko had escaped almost as soon as he was placed in custody and with him went all the answers to my questions. Why was I attacked in Afghanistan? Was it really revenge for my father? Time is ticking for me, and I need to find answers to both the reason why I was abducted and how to survive the palladium. Having both of my best friends in the loop with my alter ego would ease some of the pressure on me.

“I just want you both to know that this is the reason why I have been even more distant than usual.” Pepper still looks at me with sadness in her eyes, probably remembering that I have very little time left in me. But she doesn’t say anything, respecting my wish to keep it between us and not let Rhodey in on that secret quite yet. He would be out of his mind with worry. “I also want to let you both know that I want to create something for you.” I feel a lump in my throat just by thinking about the two of them vulnerable without me to be around. “I’ve created metal jewelry that houses parts of the iron man suit, it would help ease my mind if you would accept some sort of protection. I mean, the world doesn’t know my secret identity yet, but a little bit of extra security never hurt.”

Pepper immediately shakes her head. “No Toni, I don’t think that it would be something I’m comfortable with.”

Rhodey however, gives me a short nod. “Of course, Toni. In fact, the air force has been muttering about finding the owner of the suit so that they can take it for military use. Maybe it would be for the best if you give it up.”

I scowl. “No, the Iron Man suit is a part of me.” But it’s not exclusive. “I can build another one so that you can take it back to your superiors. It won’t respond to anyone that isn’t you, but it will at least stop their salivating for Iron Man.”

“I don’t think that’ll work Toni.”

“No, it’s great!” I jerk out of the chair and head out to the elevator. “I just need to make some tweaks between that suit and mine and it’ll be fine.”

“No Toni, if I get a suit, my superiors will wonder where I got it from.”

I sigh. Yeah, he has a point. “Okay, I’m going to have to make an announcement then.”

Pepper looks like she’s about to argue but then she gets distracted by something in the background. “I don’t think you should reveal your identity Toni, but I have to go.” She disconnects before I can reply.

“I know you’re not going to reveal your identity Tones.” Rhodey says slowly. “So what’s your plan?”

“I’m going to say that the suit is mine and the person who pilots it is my bodyguard.” After the upgrades, I’ve finally managed to implement the autonomous feature so that Jarvis can pilot it while I’m out of it. “I already have enough of an excuse to go overboard with my security. If I do that, can you please take the suit I’m going to build for you?”

“I don’t know Toni,” His features twist. “What if it backfires and instead leaves a volatile weapon in the hands of the Air Force?”

I’m willing to take the risk for him. For both, but if Pepper doesn’t want to then I won’t push.

Rhodey must have seen something in my expression because he just sighs and scrubs a hand over his face. “Ok, fine. I’ll be in New York by the end of this week.”

“Really?” I punch the air. “This’ll be like old times Rhodey bear, you and I in the lab.”

He laughs. “I hope I won’t have to use the fire extinguisher.

Saturday morning finds Rhodey and I in my lab working on the suit I’d created for Rhodey. After our conversation, I’d been spurred to complete it. If I die…

Deflect Toni, deflect.

“Sour patch, you’re going to bore a hole in my back if you keep staring at me like that.”

“I’m just nervous about this Tones. I’ve never piloted something like this.”

I tap the chest piece and he immediately flinches. “Relax honeybun, I’ve made this specifically for you.”

He sighs and looks away. “I’m still not really sure why you’re doing this Toni. Are you sure you’re ok?”

My goggles suddenly seem very interesting and I fiddle around with the strap around my head before answering. “Everything is fine Rhodey bear.”

Maybe if I say it enough times, it’ll become true.

Rhodey turns back to the suit. It’s a close replica of mine but with enough changes that the War Machine armor would never be mistaken for the Iron Man suit. For starters, instead of the bad ass red and gold color scheme, I’d switched it out for a more patriotic dark blue with silver and red accents. Where my suit is all sleek weaponry hidden by hatches and caps, I’d placed a large automatic rifle on the back of Rhodey’s, along with most of the same missiles and weapons in mine.

I lift up a hatch that hid the tiny grenades, frowning as I see a couple of wires crossed in a way that would interfere with the mechanism. I grab the pliers on the table so that I can maneuver the little buggers. Had I not noticed—

“Have you talked to Steve?” I clip through the wires. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

“Ah, no.” I look around for the wires that I’d left lying around…somewhere. “Have you seen a couple of copper—” Rhodey dangles the elusive wires from his fist. “Yeah those. Give em to me.”

He hands me my precious babies and I get to work with the stupid suit. “Toni, I know you’ve thought about the coincidence of Captain America’s return in active duty and Steve’s presence when you were found in Afghanistan.”

I close my eyes, stilling my hands for two seconds before I turn to Rhodey. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You can’t keep ignoring this Toni!” He argues behind me as I move closer to the suit. “It’s been what? A year?”

“I can ignore it for as long as I fucking want Rhodey!” Steve made his choice.

“The only reason we found you is because Steve talked to someone and went out looking for you.” Okay, we’re going to have this conversation. I set down the pliers and wire, then plunk myself down on my chair. “Toni, he was retired. He had dedicated himself to journalism and then somewhere down the line, he started to care about you—”

“I didn’t ask him to!” My voice cracks.

Rhodey’s expression softens. “Tones, honey, anyone who gets to know you, really gets to know you, would do the same.”

“He still left.” I mutter. Steve might care for me but that doesn’t change that he chose the military over ~~me~~ the life he had. “He might have been retired, but he still chose to return to active duty. That was his choice, and mine is to live the rest of my days without having to remember him.”

“What?” Rhodey had graduated from MIT too, so he’s far from stupid. It’s just hard to remember that when I’m usually surrounded by idiots (Pepper notwithstanding). “What do you mean ‘the rest of your days’? Are you dying Toni? What did you do?”

It’s this last question that makes me angry, pissed beyond belief. “Nothing! Nothing except fucking exist, Rhodey!” I’d tried. I’d fucking shut down the weapons division. I’d helped rebuild time after fucking time and _still._ Still I got fucking abducted. “I got kidnapped and I saw a _child fucking die_ in front of me! Yinsen performed fucking open-heart surgery in a _cave_ and now after I finally escape, I find out that I’m dying of palladium poison. So I don’t know Rhodey. I don’t fucking know what the hell I did so bad to deserve this!”

My chest is heaving like I’d run a marathon and I lean over my knees, trying to breathe. Rhodey grabs my hand and starts counting, just like way back then when he used to help me through my panic attacks. He doesn’t say anything, just continues the count. I focus on the numbers, slowly regaining control over my breathing until I finally stop feeling like I’m going to die.

“I’m sorry Toni, I shouldn’t have pushed.”

“I shouldn’t have exploded at you—”

“No, Toni.” He looks angry before his expressions smooths out. “If anything, it’s my fault for not being here so that you could get that off your chest. Have you been going to therapy?”

I snort. Yeah, I’m not going to let a shrink in with all the shit I have. “What do you think?”

“I think you should go.” He gives me a sudden hug. “After your return, I went to therapy. I had to work through a lot of shit too. I just want you to get better too. So that you can focus on finding an answer for the palladium.” I narrow my eyes at him. “What? I have a working brain, Toni. I can figure out that your arc reactor has a palladium core and it’s obviously poisoning your bloodstream. You just need to find another viable core.”

“None of the known elements are sustainable.” I mutter.

He cups my face in his hands. “Since when has the known been a restriction for the brilliant Toni Stark?” I close my eyes. He’s right. I’ve never let the limitations of science or technology stop me. It’s time to get to work. Something in my face must have clued him in to my change of heart because Rhodey smiles. “That’s my girl.”

* * *

I’d gotten the call from Jarvis nearly half an hour ago, but I’d assumed that Fury wanted to give me something helpful for my arc reactor problem.

Not…this.

“So let me get this straight,” I drawl at Fury. “You’ve lost your pet assassin and now you want _my_ help getting him back.”

He scowls at me. “You wanted my help with your core and now you’re getting mouthy on me?”

I laugh. “Yeah, but instead of helping me out you just tried to sell your super-secret boy band to me.” I lean forward in my chair and wag my finger at him “And just for the record, I’m still happy being a consultant.”

His scowl grows. “Listen Stark, as I told you before we have nothing that could help you.” Fury pinches the bridge of his nose before exhaling. “Now, I know that I can’t have civilian Toni Stark as part of the Avengers, but Iron Man is someone that I need right now.”

Clever wordplay. Almost like he’s…worried.

I narrow my eyes at the one-eyed curmudgeon before pulling out my phone from my pocket. After two seconds, three bugs in the room appear on my screen as red dots. I turn to Fury and he looks disgruntled but resigned.

“I already said that I don’t like being—”

“It isn’t me Stark. This isn’t mine.” He gestures at the office. “This office is Shield issued. Everything inside belongs to Shield. Even myself.”

I stare at him, half-convinced that he’s finally lost his marbles. “Fury, I can’t help you with the Bucky problem. But I’ll see what I can do about Iron Man.”

I put away my phone, then get out from the stiff chair. Despite the frequency of these visits, those stupid chairs always make me feel like I’m a naughty child getting pulled in front of the principal.

“Thank you.” Fury says before letting out a small laugh. “Oh, and Captain America is in charge of the missions for James.”

Of course, he is. Because there is no way that I can catch a fucking break.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's POV on Toni being informed about Bucky *officially lmao*, the world finding out that Toni Stark built the iron man armor.

Steve had been under harsher interrogations and had never felt quite as under the microscope as now when he’s sitting in a quaint little café across from Sam and Natasha. Then again, it’s way easier to get his fingers broken than to contemplate seeing the woman who haunts his dreams again. Fingers heal, but Toni definitely doesn’t forgive that quickly.

“What do you mean I have to tell Toni?” Steve feels a twisting sensation in his gut at the thought of seeing Toni. “What about Sam?”

Nat rolls her eyes and Sam just gives him A Look.

“Steve, I have no desire to go back to the foundation until my husband is back with me.” Sam coughs, his eyes looking dangerously glassy. “It’s been nine months and I have nothing to show for it. I can’t go and pretend everything is fine while knowing that the love of my life is wandering around with fucking amnesia.”

“But—”

“Steve, Toni needs to know so that James’s position can be covered.” Nat says in a soft voice. It is her ‘cooperate or else’ voice but Steve is too overwhelmed with what they’re saying. “At least give her a call, you don’t have to go in and talk to her in person.”

Steve isn’t convinced and Natasha continues to wheedle at him until Sam suddenly slams his hands on the table and gets up. “Listen Steve, I’m aware that you lack a pair when it comes to Stark but for the love of all that’s holy, just man up and talk to her. It’s not like you’re going to tell her that you’re hopelessly in love with her. You’re going to tell her that _my husband_ is fucking MIA, so just get over yourself.”

With a last glare, Sam walks away from their table. Nat sighs.

“He’s been suffering a lot since Barnes’s disappearance.” She taps the tip of her fingernails on the rim of the porcelain cup. “I just hoped that you wouldn’t make him snap.”

“Nat, you know I can’t just waltz up to Toni anymore.” Steve slumps in his seat, looking around their table in a nervous habit he developed after her news about Hydra. Their table outside the café is relatively isolated, the waitress leaving them alone after delivering their respective drinks. “She thinks that I abandoned her for active duty. She probably hates me for not telling her that I was Captain America.”

Nat flicks her red curls expertly, a bored expression on her face. Nothing of what Steve is saying is news to her. “I know Steve, you’ve told me this multiple times. But as I keep telling you, she’s probably more hurt that you’ve ghosted her than the Captain thing.”

“You don’t know her like I do.” Steve misses the way Nat’s mouth tighten in the corners, her bored expression otherwise unchanged. “She _hates_ it when someone hides things from her. She probably hates my guts. Which I totally deserve, don’t get me wrong. It’s just…” He sighs again. “She was my best friend, not just my crush. And I hate that the Captain America shit ruined our friendship, even if I don’t regret taking the shield again.”

Natasha rolls her eyes. “You’re such a drama queen Steve. Just call her up and tell her about your other best friend’s disappearance. Maybe she’ll even help you find him.”

Steve still wasn’t convinced, but even he knew that his reasons were flimsy. After he returned to active duty, it had been up to Bucky and Sam to help with the foundation. With both out of the picture, he can imagine Pepper’s stress levels. Toni had always been the main sponsor, her role mostly financial. But Bucky’s role had to be replaced as well as Sam’s advisory position to the committee that chose vets for the benefits.

As Sam had so aptly put it, he really did need to grow a pair.

Natasha taps the rim of her cup again, bringing Steve’s attention back to the moment. “So?”

He sighs. “Fine.” He’s taken aback at the look she throws at him. “What? Now?”

“No time like the present, Rogers.”

Grumbling to himself, he pulls out his phone and calls Toni’s number. She probably won’t answer anyway. Or probably already blocked his number. After all, Steve totally ghosted her and—

“Steve?”

His breath catches in his throat and he coughs before he answers. “Hi Toni. How are you?”

She snorts. “Really Steve? That’s what you’re going with after over a year of silence?”

Steve nearly strangles his phone, only loosening his grip when he hears the glass cracking. “Sorry, I know I’m probably bothering you at the wrong time and you’re probably very, very busy right now. It’s just that I have something really important and—”

“Steve,” she interrupts, her voice soft with clear fondness. “You’re rambling, babe. What’s going on?”

“Bucky’s gone.” He winces at the way that sounds. Now she probably thinks that he’s dead. “Not dead! Just… missing. He worked for Shield and never made it back from a mission.”

“I thought he was a security contractor?” Toni hums noncommittally. “Does everyone work for the government now?”

Sensing the question as rhetorical, Steve plows on with the rest. “Sam is obviously out of his mind with Bucky’s situation so that’s why he hasn’t been able to make it to the meetings for the committee.”

“I can imagine.” She sighs. “Is that all Steve?”

No, he misses her like he would a limb. “Yeah.”

“All right, thanks for the info. I’ll pass it on to Pep.” She pauses. “I hope you’re doing ok.”

No, the nightmares have returned and he hates the cold again. He’s been backsliding into hypervigilance and the shakes come when the AC gets turned up. “Pretty good. How about you?”

“Just peachy.” She laughs, the sound far from humorous. “I gotta go Cap. It was… good to talk to you again.”

“Yeah.” He feels like he has so much to say. “I’m sorry.” The calls disconnects just as he apologizes.

Steve ignores the way Natasha looks at him. He doesn’t deserve pity.

“Come on, Nat.” He gestures at the waitress for the check. “Let’s get back to HQ in case there’s another mission.”

* * *

Heart pumping, Steve jumps over a smoldering car, keeping his shield close to his body. He always feels hyperaware when the adrenaline starts pumping, but they’d been fighting for well over an hour and the effects were starting to leave him jittery.

But that might just be from the nerves of _finally_ finding his best friend.

A sudden crackle through the coms. “Hey Captain, we’ve infiltrated the command center. It’s empty.” The synthetic sounding voice is familiar, if unwelcome. He’d told Shield that they had no need for Iron Man at first. But after scouting the base, they’d decided to call him in—completely disregarding Steve’s wishes. “No prisoners and no further hostiles.”

Steve grits his teeth, the unspoken judgement grating on his nerves. He’d been the one to direct this team to this base in hopes of finding Bucky. He’d been so _sure_. “Fall back Iron Man, they must have cleared while we were still trying to overpower their defenses. That goes for everyone.” He adds at the end for the rest of his team. “Reconvene at the quinjet.”

“Aye, aye Captain.” The other man chuckles, the sound coming out distorted by the voice modulator.

As Steve picks his way past the now quiet snowscape, he fumes. Mostly because of his failure to find Bucky. But also because of his reluctant reliance on Iron Man. While Steve can understand hiding his identity from the world, there’s no reason why he should keep his identity from his teammates. Plus, the man is cocky and arrogant, always so quick to pick apart his orders and offer suggestions of what they could do better.

If only he hadn’t been forced to accept his help. Steve is aware that Fury is being surprisingly lenient with him by letting him be part of these missions, just like when he’d been searching for Tony. Of course, Bucky’s disappearance is of upmost importance to Shield.

Can’t have an amnesiac Winter Soldier running around, after all.

He finally reaches the quinjet, joining the other agents that had already made it back. “I want a complete report on—”

“Send word when you have another mission. Fury knows where to find me.” Iron Man suddenly interrupts. Steve shuts his eyes before breathing out slowly. Then he turns to face the armored man.

“Sure thing.” The other man gives him a short nod before jetting into the sky.

Fucking asshole.

Not that it matters, so long as he keeps helping when they need it.

“Cap?” Sam’s voice interrupts Steve’s internal musings.

“Oh, right.” Steve launches into a long-winded monologue about the importance of mission debriefs and reports. Most the agents’ eyes glaze over around the ten-minute mark but Sam has a knowing glance that as much as Steve wants to bore into stupor, he knows that there’s going to be a Conversation when they get back to HQ.

* * *

The news breaks when Steve is punching a stubborn sandbag into submission. He hears the low murmuring of the agents in the gym but as usual, he ignores them. After Nat’s bombshell, Steve has been even more reticent than usual. So for a good ten minutes, he’s still stuck in his bubble, trying to work out his demons and worry for Bucky with good old physical exertion.

That is until someone mentions Toni.

“Stark has just said that she built it!” An agent that had been hogging the only bench-press that Steve uses gossips to her spotter. “It’s all over twitter. She says that Iron Man is her bodyguard and that the suit is—”

The chain holding the bag suddenly snaps and it goes flying into the wall with a resounding thud. Everyone turns to look at Steve and he flushes in embarrassment.

“It, uh, wasn’t reinforced.” They all turn, and he takes advantage of the moment to slink away.

In the hallway, Steve pulls out his phone and opens the Twitter app. There are the usual memes that Clint posts. But there isn’t any mention of Toni, so he types her name into the search bar.

As usual, her profile sends a twinge of _something_ in his gut, but he ignores it and scrolls through the mentions of her name.

_Toni fucking Stark building a badass weapon and letting everyone name it Iron Man is a mood._

_As usual, nobody believes that a woman can create something as brilliant as the Iron Man armor. #ToniStark_

_Ya’ll telling me that Toni Stark built a fucking suit of armor while stuck in a cave and we still can’t get public healthcare?_

Steve shakes his head. That last one was a big stretch. Sure, America seems to be going towards a quite spectacular crash and burn but that had nothing to do with Toni. Everyone seems to be convinced that she built the Iron Man armor, even if she allows someone else to pilot it.

He closes the Twitter app, feeling increasingly overwhelmed by the thousands of tweets that mention Toni’s name. Instead he goes and searches Google in hopes to see something more substantial regarding the Iron Man armor.

The first article is a long-winded rant about the perils of allowing a woman to create weapons, cleverly disguised misogyny as journalism, nothing new there. The second is something along the same lines with a dash of judgement on the US military for not having the armor under its control.

It isn’t until the fifth article that he finds one with a video of the conference where Toni admits the armor belongs to her.

“I know several of you have been speculating about the ownership of the armor.” She says behind a podium, gesturing to Iron Man standing to attention behind her. “The truth is it belongs to me.”

The reporters explode in a frenzy of shouted questions and she raises her hands in a call for silence. “I created the armor during a moment of extreme duress. As many of you know, I was kidnapped last year during the winter. My captors did not require a ransom from my corporation and instead requested me to build them a certain type of missile that had been very popular before I shut down the weapons division of SI. With the supplies they gave me, I built a crude version of the armor here before you and managed to escape. As a measure of security, and to avoid having the same situation happen, I have hired a person of highest confidence, whose identity shall be kept secret for their own safety, to use the MARK armor as my personal bodyguard. I know several will be requesting the military to take ownership of the armor, but the truth is, it belongs to me and nobody other than the person whom I have approved can ever use the armor.”

“What of Ivan Vanko?” A blonde reporter looks at Toni with clear smugness.

“I have no knowledge of who Ivan Vanko is.” Toni looks at the reporter and winks. “However, Ms. Everhart, I’m sure you’re just dying to tell us who he is.”

A ripple of laughter goes through the room.

Steve pauses the video and sighs. So it’s true. Toni really did build the Iron Man suit. It doesn’t surprise him in regards of her capability. He’d known that she’s a brilliant engineer, but it does shock him that she’d build another weapon again. She’d seemed so certain of her refusal to continue building weapons. Of course, not that Steve had a leg to stand on given that he killed on government’s orders. But still, Toni had wanted to heal the world, not set it on fire.

This new development makes him worry about her. Something must have happened in Afghanistan to trigger such a complete roundabout in character. He’d hoped that he had found her in time to avoid suffering so much but it seems that he had been too late anyway. Of course, this just shows that she no longer trusts him. They’d spoken on the phone a week earlier and she hadn’t told him any of that. Before Afghanistan, she’d have told him in a heartbeat.

Now he has to google her in order to find out something as big as the Iron Man armor.


	8. Chapter 8

Blood Toxicity Level 90%

I had set out this morning to see more of the city, feeling every second that ticks by as a moment that I’ve lost. I’d wanted to see the corners I’d never ventured out to see, always too scared to mingle, scared that I’d be hounded by paparazzies or mobbed by people who don’t understand that celebrities are humans too. So I’d put on my most nondescript clothes, made sure that every black tendril on my skin is covered with the softest sweatshirt I own, and set out.

Pepper had finally agreed to be CEO—last week’s toxicity reading provoking me to pressure her until I received a response—but I know that she would hate for me to wander around without any form of communication so I put on my newest pair of shades and earbud connected to Jarvis. And just in case I had to fight back, I slipped on my bracers that could turn into gauntlets in less than five seconds.

I had everything more or less planned out. I would hit the alleys of Brooklyn, then wander around Manhattan and sometime during the day I would come to terms with the fact that I had less than a month to live.

But then things got complicated.

“Give me two cups of celery and orange juice, please.” I say to the girl behind the counter of the cute little green juice café. She couldn’t be any older than fifteen. Just looking at her made me feel positively ancient.

After I pay, I slip my shades on my face again and sip at one of my cups. I’d checked my toxicity level in the bathroom before buying my juice and I’d finally hit 90%. Six hours ago, I’d been at 89%. Time is running out.

If only I had been able to contact Steve, but my calls went straight to voicemail. I’d wanted to apologize for being such an ungrateful bitch in Afghanistan. Rhodey had told me that if it hadn’t been for Steve, they wouldn’t have been there to find me. The military had written me off after a couple of months and it had only been Steve’s influence as Captain Fucking America that the search had continued.

My head felt like exploding the moment that I’d found out that Steve, the same Steve I’d hit on during a party, the one that became one of my best friends, is Captain America. I mean, fuck, I’d been making fuck me eyes to the guy every single Friday we went out for drinks, my AI called him C _aptain_ Rogers and somehow, I never noticed that he looked just like the pictures my dad kept in his shrine.

Although the man was supposed to be dead, so that’s a decent excuse for my oversight.

Suddenly, someone bumps into me and I spill my deliciously healthy juice all over my hoodie, “Fuck!” I start to pat at myself furiously with napkins. This is my favorite—

“Oh God, I’m so sorry!” I freeze. I’d know that voice anywhere.

Jesus Christ, it really is Steve. He’s just as gorgeous as always, still sporting that thick beard from Afghanistan but now in civilian clothes. The sweater vest and casual chinos should make him look familiar, as it’s the look he always wore while working as part of my PR team. But the wary air that he sports and set of his shoulders makes him look like a familiar stranger.

“Toni, I really am sorry.” I snort, his earnest gaze making it suddenly easy to remember that this is the same dork that once ate my pie and then apologized for it.

“I know. It’s an accident.” I sober when I remember that he must have had a hard time these past months what with Fury’s death. “I heard about Fury…”

I trail off when I see his eyes harden again. Ok, maybe a bad move to mention it.

Before, when he’d been the Bonnie to my Clyde, I’d been able to read most of his thoughts going by his facial expressions alone. But now, his expression closes off, shuttering in a way that has me shivering.

“I didn’t know that Hill was still in contact with you?” He frowns at me. Maybe I shouldn’t mention that it was Jarvis. Then his expression clears, and he backtracks immediately. Ah, there’s the Steve I know and love. “I mean, not that I’m trying to imply anything—”

“Steve,” I say, suddenly reminded that I have less than a month to live and I _have_ to make things right with him. “I know that haven’t talked after the… after Afghanistan. I never meant to…” Why is this so hard? “I just want you to know that you were a great friend.” I laugh humorlessly. “Not that I was back to you.”

For shit’s sake, I hadn’t even noticed that his _fucking name_ is Captain America’s.

“I didn’t mean—” His tone is gentle, his expression so fucking familiar to me that I cut him off before I throw myself at him.

“I know. And I know about Fury because I made it a priority. I kept tabs through Jarvis, he gave me the news.”

Not that Jarvis was convinced that he was dead. Just thinking about that clusterfuck makes me sigh. Normally, I’d worry about it but damn it, I’m fucking dying slowly, and I have to at least apologize correctly. “Look Steve, I wish that I hadn’t been such an ass. Had I been less bitter about you turning military on me,” and basically ghosting me after the fact, “I wouldn’t have been such a pain. For what it’s worth, I’m glad that we could be friends.”

The knot in my throat makes it suddenly difficult to talk and I cough discreetly hoping he doesn’t notice.

God, I hadn’t thought this would be so hard. “Sir, Happy is reporting that he is one block away from your location.” Jarvis interrupts my internal pity party.

I sigh and raise my gaze back to Steve’s, trying to commit it to memory. “Well, I have to get going.” I blink to beat back the burning in my eyes. No tears. Let him have this memory. “I’m glad we could talk.”

Steve goes all concerned, apparently still able to see straight through my bullshit. “Are you okay?”

I smile at him, god I adore this dorky menace. “Just peachy Capsicle.” The nickname rolls off my tongue, but he seems to ignore it, opting to reach out to me with my name on his lips. “I’m fine Steve.” And if he touches me, I’m going to fucking lose it and bawl my eyes out.

“Happy is in the black Mercedes sedan that will pull up in the next ten seconds.”

I flick my eyes behind Steve at the unfamiliar car pulling up and avoid Steve’s outstretched hand with the same movement. I open the door and see Agent Coulson’s disgruntled face peering at me from the other side of the car.

Ah, great just what I needed.

I don’t look back at Steve and get in the car, now concentrated on trying to figure out how they overrode J’s security protocols. I’d specifically asked him to keep Shield at bay.

I’m not going to be in their stupid superhero group. All I want is to die in fucking peace, damn it.

“Ms. Stark,” Coulson starts off before cutting himself off. “Toni, I believe you have found out about Fury’s passing.”

I raise an eyebrow. Ok, I’ll bite. “Yeah, what of it?”

“The news is false.” Coulson doesn’t look surprised at my lack of surprise so he must have come to the conclusion that I would have found out sooner or later. “He wants you to know that the Avengers Initiative needs you.”

“And as I’ve told both of you before: _I don’t care_.” I look out the window. “I have less than a month left, and you want me to commit to some team that probably will implode in less than ten seconds? I have better things to do with my life than to get caught up in Shield’s web of deception.”

Coulson doesn’t reply immediately, and I turn to look at his expression. He doesn’t appear surprised, his expression remaining as stoic as ever. “I am the first to admit that you are not the ideal candidate for the program, Ms. Stark. Despite your public image, I am aware that you are paranoid, reckless, and reluctant to work with others. Any of these characteristics alone would mean problems for the team, but together? They would be the death of yourself and your teammates.”

“What is this? Are you trying to reverse psychology me?” I let out a short bark of laughter. “Please Coulson, save your games for someone who cares.” My eyes narrow behind my shades and I give him my best bitch face. “I told Fury that I would help him with the Bucky issue because he is the public image of my foundation, not because I want to be part of your super-secret band.”

“I have mentioned this to Fury as well.” His face remains impassive. It’s starting to piss me off. “However, he insisted on me trying again.”

I snarl, finally snatching the sunglasses off my face before glaring at him. “I hate that you’re trying to get under my skin but most of all, I hate that you’ve managed it Agent.” I take a deep breath. “If Fury manages to find a cure, I’ll consider joining. But not one moment before.”

The car slows to a stop and I look at our destination. My tower gleams next to the curb where the car sits idling.

“I will pass the message to Fury.” Coulson’s expression still hasn’t changed from his unperturbed indifference but there’s something brewing in his normally brown eyes that make me feel like I’ve managed to accomplish something with this talk.

“In the meanwhile, don’t come near me unless it’s with a cure or I will activate my gauntlets and to hell with it.” I tap one of my bracers and my gauntlet comes to life with a whine. I stare into Coulson’s eyes until he looks away and only then do I tap it back off. “Nice chat Coulson.”

Then I get out of the stifling confines of that damned car.

Blood Toxicity Level 95%

I splash water on my face. This morning’s toxicity level makes me feel like time is trickling through my fingers like sand. Last night had been filled with an engineering binge, my armor receiving all sorts of upgrades that I will probably never use.

I press my fingers into the skin of my cheeks, a strangled sob in my throat. God, this damn thing is driving me insane. I just wish I could either find an answer to this or die already but this waiting around to see what happens is killing me slowly.

“Sir, you have a call from Director Fury.”

I grab a towel and dry my face, patting my composure back into place. “Patch him through.”

“Stark, we might have a breakthrough on your problem.” Hope flutters in my chest. “In your father’s things, we have come across a tape that might have the solution.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I know I dropped off the face of the earth for... two months? dang, time flies when the world is ending and all that lmao. 
> 
> To be honest, I think this fic is absolute trash and I have serious thoughts about orphaning this work so that at least I'll stop being so clingy to the kudos and comments (mostly the lack of). But my mamá didn't raise a quitter so I have the final two chapters. I added the open-ending tag today because I don't think I can go through the whole canon rewrite with this Tony. Also I removed the eventual smut because honestly, I can't limp to the finish line and throw in some sexy times. I'm sorry that i'm such a trash writer and I hope I can produce better works someday.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the elusive Bucky Barnes is finally found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, as always i'm full of apologies and lacking in quality writing. Anyway, this is the penultimate chapter for this series but as far as i'm concerned this is the end. The next chapter is merely an ambiguous time jump to the future, where only a small surprise is finally revealed. 
> 
> THank you to those who decided to give this fic a chance. Honestly, you guys are worth your weight in gold. Love ya'll.

Shield agents didn’t necessarily love Steve Rogers on sight just because he served the country occasionally with a red, white and blue suit—and seriously, was it really necessary to make it that tight? This far from loving sentiment duplicated ten-fold when everyone found out Fury died.

Not that Steve cares. He prefers a safe world ~~for Toni~~ for everyone over popularity.

But that meant it became a pain in the ass finding activities to pass the while during downtimes between missions. Running was out since he already did his ten miles in the morning. So that left sparring or hitting the bag. And only Bucky had ever been up for sparring.

Which brings him back to his main worry: Bucky.

It’s been more than year since anyone has seen him. After two months of no news, Sam finally cracked and joined Shield just to be able to search for him along with Natasha and Clint. Hill is nowhere as lenient as Fury—surprising considering how much of fucking hard-ass Fury was—but she wasn’t stupid and if Falcon offered himself in exchange for a mission to find his hubby, then she was taking it.

So now Shield has Captain America, Iron Man, Black Widow, Hawkeye and Falcon. When (when, not if) Bucky is found they’ll have the Winter Soldier again. Which is worrying since Hydra is still alive and kicking in Shield. The only thing that reassures Steve that they are going in the right direction is that Hill is the one in charge.

Not that he has any hopes of this staying that way. Steve is nowhere near as good a spy as Nat, but his enhanced hearing has helped him overhear whispers that are making him very nervous.

Steve had already offered himself as bodyguard detail for Hill, although even he knew that it would be a waste of his talents to do so. Sue him if he prefers the organization that Peggy Carter founded to not implode thanks to Hydra.

With a grunt he angrily punches the bag and in the split second before it burst, he remembers that he should have held back.

He sighs. Fuck, now he has to pick the damn sand up. He’s on his hands and knees, dustpan in hand, when he gets the notice.

 _Confirmed Buchanan sighting_ , he reads off his phone. Dropping with a clatter his cleaning utensils, he hurries to his quarters for his suit.

It only takes him and Sam fifteen minutes to be suited up and in the quinjet towards Bucharest along with the backup team. Sam fidgets and shuffles his feet the whole ride there, but Steve refrains from commenting. If it were Toni…

He understands Sam.

The quinjet touches down on a rooftop, camouflage technology already in place as soon as they get near the city, and they roll off towards the building where Bucky was seen to enter. It’s only Sam and Steve for the moment, though they know that if things go sideways, the tactical team in the quinjet won’t hesitate to act.

They both hope it won’t come to that.

Stealthily, they climb the rickety stairs of Bucky’s apartment complex. They reach the apartment and after a single shared glance, they decide to knock.

Thanks to Steve’s enhanced hearing, he hears Bucky’s sudden movements at their knock. He decides that the gentle approach is making their opportunity slide through their fingers and opts to kick in the door.

“Bucky!”

There’s a man in the room with a backpack slung over his shoulder, stringy dark hair to his shoulders, worn flannel and jeans, and a matte black prosthetic. He only shares the high-tech arm with the Bucky Barnes that disappeared a year and a half ago. His expression is shuttered and closed off, the fingers of his prosthetic arm clenching and unclenching as he stares at the interlopers.

“Bucky,” Sam stares at his husband in desperate hope, voice cracking with emotion. “Babe, please tell me you remember me.”

Cold blue eyes stare at Sam, slowly taking in every inch of the dark-skinned man without a spark of recognition blooming. Then with a quick movement, he turns toward the boarded-up window and breaks through it.

Steve doesn’t waste a moment, running to the window and throwing his body right behind his best friend, knowing that Sam would go flying behind him. Their quarry runs flat out over the rooftops, easily clearing the distances between the buildings. Steve runs after him, his breath burning in his lungs, unaccustomed of actually pushing his limits so fast. Slowly, Steve gains inches on the shorter man, Sam right behind him, and it seems for a moment like they’ll actually catch him.

Then Barnes turns around and fires at Sam.

“No!” Steve yells at the man he’d been chasing after for months, the one who’d just shot at his husband in the air without a second thought. “Bucky that’s your fucking husband!”

They’d had a plan in place, hoping that Bucky would at least hear them out if they don’t go guns blazing, to ease in the fact that Sam was his husband. Of course, like all plans, it didn’t work out. For a moment, the other man falters, his gait stuttering to an almost halt, but then he looks at the two men on his tail and turns to run, even faster this time.

Steve swears, hearing an echo of a strangled curse from Sam’s com, and pushes on. They run over several rooftops before Barnes chooses to jump from a six-story building onto the ground. Steve grunts out a curse before jumping behind him. He barely gets a glimpse of Barnes’ dark hair flying as the amnesiac runs full tilt into the open market next to the building.

His heart sinks as he runs behind him. He can’t see any trace of his target, the people milling around packed too heavily to distinguish the civilian dressed assassin.

“Sam,” He starts to say into his com, chest heaving from exertion, when he hears the unmistakable whine of repulsors. “Who the fuck thought to bring you in?”

“I’m injured, Captain.” The modulated voice makes him grit his teeth. “Besides, I thought you wanted your friend to be found.”

A sudden scream in the crowd makes the placid shoppers scatter in shock. Steve turns to look and sees Bucky on the ground, unconscious.

“What the fuck did you do to him?” Steve turns back to the shiny metal, his face thunderous. It’s only Sam’s soft voice that pulls him away from the edge of violence.

Still doesn’t change the fact that Steve wishes he could dent that stupid deathtrap that they call armor.

“I hit him with a dart filled with horse relaxant.” The unrepentant edge in Iron Man’s voice gets Steve’s blood pumping again, but again it’s only Sam’s expression as he cradles Bucky’s head that makes him hold back.

“You and I will have words on this.” Steve grits out before stalking to his best friend.

Iron Man chuckles. “I don’t doubt it Captain. However, I strongly suggest you secure him. According to my calculations he will regain full consciousness in less than a minute.” A groan from Bucky’s lips confirms Iron Man’s words.

Steve scowls at the unapologetic words and gets out the titanium handcuffs they’d created especially for Bucky. Shield had reached out with some experts in neurology and they were relatively confident that he would be able to regain his memories. But first, they have to make sure that Bucky even gets back to them.

So, with a soft apology, Steve places the handcuffs on his best friend of nearly seventy years before standing straight to continue his argument with the anonymous man who’d helped him when he thought all hope was gone.

But as always, Iron man was gone, uncaring of proper protocols. Ignoring Sam’s look, Steve grits his teeth again and calls in the quinjet.

It’s time to get Bucky back home.


	10. Being a Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An end that starts everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it guys. As i said in the last chapter, this is mostly an epilogue of sorts. The main story (if you can even call it that *sobs*) ended in the previous chapter and this is the last thing i wrote for this AU. I had a general idea of how the Avengers would get together, considering that Steve was unfrozen earlier and Bucky was still in the picture, but I couldn't get past the initial gobsmacked Steve finding out that Iron Man = Toni. 
> 
> So... it's short and it's shit. But hey, if you've read this far, you've probably noticed that's my MO.
> 
> Thank you to those who took a chance on my fic, i know i disappointed and i'm sorry. Here's to getting better at writing.

My day starts off pretty good. I attend only five meetings during the day, turn on the reactor for my tower and by the time night comes around, I’m feeling pretty blissed out next to Pepper while looking over the schematics for the tower.

And then Jarvis pipes up with the news that Agent Coulson is on the line.

“Tell him to leave a message.” I say, before shooting a grin to a suddenly solemn Pepper. “Come on Pep, I swear I’m not going to do anything. I’m off consulting hours.”

She doesn’t look convinced, opting instead to sip at her champagne and looking back at the blueprints in front of us.

“Sir, Agent Coulson is insisting that it is urgent.”

“Send him to voicemail, J.”

“I’m afraid he is very persistent.”

“Patch him through.” I hold my phone in front of me as Jarvis connects the video. “Hi, you’ve reached the life-sized recording for Toni Stark, please leave a message after the bee—"

The elevator in the room dings, and I have a gauntlet on my hands faster than I can blink. “Cut the shit Stark.” Agent Coulson puts his phone away in his pocket and strides into the room, looking even grimmer than usual. I lower my gauntlet, already letting it dismantle into the bands around my wrist. “Ms. Potts, so sorry to intrude.”

Pep gives him a small smile, “Hi Phil, I was just getting ready to leave.”

“Pep! I’m wounded, weren’t we having a moment?” She pauses, her hands on her heels before a slight smirk settles on her lips. Then she steps towards me, her lips next to my ears.

“Play nice and maybe I can be nicer to you when you’re free.”

An uncharacteristic blush spreads over my cheeks and I give her a wide smile before kissing her softly. “You play a mean bargain Ms. Potts but never let it be said that a Stark quits so early in the game.” She laughs before waving at Coulson, and then she’s gone.

“I’m off from consulting hours.” I say to Coulson before striding to my bar so that I can pour us a drink. He looks like he needs it. “What’s gone to hell so bad that Fury is looking towards little ole’ me?”

“We aren’t looking for a consultant this time Stark.” Coulson says before knocking back the liquor in one gulp. Well, this looks interesting. “We need you on the Avengers, as Iron Man.”

“I thought I didn’t qualify for the super-secret boy band?” I say with no trace of bitterness. Nope, none at all. “What happened to reckless and not a team player?”

Which yeah, but also, I was fucking _dying._ Cut a girl some slack.

“Extenuating circumstances.” He pauses. “Are you in?”

I think about Pepper’s drawn face when I told her that I was Iron Man. I think about how scared she’d been that night I asked for her help with my reactor. Then I think about Yinsen and his words about my legacy.

“Yeah, count me in.”

Coulson gives me a grim smile. “Good, we need you to talk to Steve.”

Ah fuck.

* * *

“Get up!” A grunt escapes Steve’s lips as a steel-toed boot slams into his midsection. “Get up you piece of shit!”

Slowly, Steve rolls over to his side and clambers up. Unsurprisingly his captors are armed to the teeth. Not enough to warrant a threat, but then again, they thought they captured a spy not Steve Rogers, alias Captain America.

“Look at me when I speak, asshole!” The words were spit out in Russian, but Steve had long learned the language for Bucky.

Steve raises his gaze to the man shouting at him. Stocky build, average height with dirty blonde hair. Favors his left leg and holds his rifle in his right. Easy pickings.

“Who do you work for?”

At Steve’s silence, the man gestured at his henchmen. One grabbed each of his arms and then the butt of the rifle was slammed in his face. No finesse at all but that’s the Russians for you. Steve spits out blood to the ground.

“This is only a taste of what is to come, who do you work for?”

This time Steve couldn’t hold back a grunt as the boot connected again with his mid-section. God that’s going to leave a bruise that might take more than a day to heal over.

“What were you doing in our warehouse? Were you looking for the drugs?” Each question is punctuated with punches and kicks, which if they were real interrogators, they would have realized is counterproductive to a talkative hostage. “Did the Polski’s send you?”

Hmm, Steve had told Fury that the Polski’s were legit. What a shame.

A sudden ticking sound halts the blows. The ‘interrogator’ looks around and then glances at a small shiny ball next to his boot. The ticking speeds up and Steve is abruptly struck with the realization.

He yanks his arms from his captors and throws himself to the side behind a pillar. The ticking stops and for a small second, Steve thinks he threw his cover off for nothing. And then, the blast hit. The pillar holds, barely, but the men who were interrogating him are strewn in pieces around the room.

Damn, and he’d just been getting into the good stuff.

Steve straightens out of his crouch, wiping the blood off his lip, already feeling the wounds starting to close. That familiar itchiness never gets better no matter how many times he’s wounded.

He walks over to a pair of legs still connected to the main torso of a body, removing the Glocks from the holsters and tucking them into his waistband. A faint whir behind him makes him turn around abruptly.

“Hi Captain.” Iron Man says in his strangely modulated voice. “Shield says it’s time to come home.”

Steve raises his weapon, mindful that he is extremely outmatched compared to the walking WMD. “Hill sent me on this mission.” For all her faults, Hill doesn’t interrupt undercover missions. Not when that could mean the death of an agent.

Iron Man steps forward. “The tesseract was stolen. The Avengers need to suit up.”

“That was still a small initiative when I went undercover for this op.” Even though there’s no reason for Iron Man to lie to him, Steve is wary. What’s a superhero to gain by lying to an ancient relic? “I haven’t been under for more than a year.”

“All right.” Iron Man sighs, the sound coming out weird due to the voice modulator. Then the visor lifts up. “Hey Capsicle, time to play ball.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
